No heart, no heartbreak.

(This is wholeheartedly dedicated to O. Definitely not 0 – zero.)

 

Doing good, doing well, few things match a heartfelt ‘thank you’ in this world.

But who actually needs help(er/s) when it’s friendship that’s needed?

Fed up of charity-trippers and their baloney ‘kind regards’ today.
Just like yesterday, probably just like tomorrow.

 

“Few can remember
clearly when innocence came
to a sudden end,
the moment at which we ask
for the first time: Am I loved?”

W. H. Auden — from “Marginalia”

 

The first time I can’t remember.

 

like-eating-mute-glass

Like eating (mute) glass – painted in 2007, depicts when one wishes that ‘long gone nightmares are just nightmares’ to be in a dream in which no one f*cked about with someone in love – focusing on love. Not much of a play. Just a nightmare. Gone. Not that feeling that someone wasn’t being true. Lingering all over the place. Right from the start, or nearly. And it nearly killed. Sometimes it does. It hasn’t in this case. Thankfully. It nevertheless left someone skinned and very much needing help, already too much. One of those cases in which one can’t possibly say ‘thank you’ anymore but decides to be brave. 

So one stays, alive, hoping that it won’t happen again, that one won’t repeat any of it, to others, to oneself, by mistake, without having had any intention of hurting in the first place. One ends up praying, sometimes, for it not to happen to anyone else, just because of the pain. One also forgets, tries to forgive. Self. Others. Or regrets. Sometimes. 

” When a man has borrowed a lot of money, he will never have a moment’s peace until he has repaid his debt. So it is with all the work that our ego-clinging has given us to do; it has left negative imprints on the alaya similar to promissory notes. When our karma fructifies and ‘’payment’’ is demanded, we have no chance for happiness and enjoyment. All this is because, as it says in the teachings, we do not recognize ego-clinging as our real enemy.”

– Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche

Why cling on to the pain? What goes around, comes around, no need to worry or hurry so much, even more so if nothing can be done about it anymore but to let it go.

A heart could still be seated.

Life Doesn’t Frighten Me
 
Shadows on the wall
Noises down the hall
Life doesn’t frighten me at all
Bad dogs barking loud
Big ghosts in a cloud
Life doesn’t frighten me at all
Mean old Mother Goose
Lions on the loose
They don’t frighten me at all
Dragons breathing flame
On my counterpane
That doesn’t frighten me at all.
I go boo
Make them shoo
I make fun
Way they run
I won’t cry
So they fly
I just smile
They go wild
Life doesn’t frighten me at all.
Tough guys fight
All alone at night
Life doesn’t frighten me at all.
Panthers in the park
Strangers in the dark
No, they don’t frighten me at all.
That new classroom where
Boys all pull my hair
(Kissy little girls
With their hair in curls)
They don’t frighten me at all.
Don’t show me frogs and snakes
And listen for my scream,
If I’m afraid at all
It’s only in my dreams.
I’ve got a magic charm
That I keep up my sleeve
I can walk the ocean floor
And never have to breathe.
Life doesn’t frighten me at all
Not at all
Not at all.

Life doesn’t frighten me at all.

– Maya Angelou